Kanye West
If you were looking for VMA crasher, you're in the wrong place. This article is ABOUT a VMA crasher, though, so don't feel stupid. Kanye West is/was (depends on how you look at it) a gangster-wannabe who has participated in many terrorist attacks, most importantly the September 11 attacks which he co-operated himself with the help of Osama bin Laden, who he worked for, who would repay him with some weed and cocaine, making him an official bounty hunter. He is commonly mistaken for and looks very much like Hairy Pothead from the Hairy Pothead books, but the two have some minor differences; for example, Hairy has a wand whereas Kanye has a gun, and while Hairy listens to Metal, Kanye thinks he can rap. Kanye West actually isn't a good of success as everybody thinks he is. You hardly ever hear his songs on the radio, you just hear about the crap that he does off the radio, and specifically at places such as the VMA awards. History Starting his "career" (2004-2008) Kanye West decided that his career was to be started when he had been in enough gang wars to where he was shot nine times but lived (no wait, that was 50 Cent, wasn't it? Yeah, okay, nevermind. Sorry.) He decided that he was going to release a song that he liked to call "Gold Digger", which referred to him consistently picking his unusually large nose during his childhood that resulted in glackoma (yeah we spelled it right) and he had to get surgery for it, too, where he got botox instead. He said that the doctor slipped and he was accidentally injected with botox and the doctor passed out from the fume of the injection medicine, which is impossibly hard to believe. Nonetheless, Kanye's fame began to soar as he kept killing people over and over until one time he tried to kill the governor of California (it's just a coincidence) and the Terminator side of Arnold Schwarzenegger attacked him and he was eaten by giant lobsters. Apparent reputation (2009-present) In a recent interview, Kanye West is asked what he thinks of himself for attacking Taylor Swift like that. He had this to say. :"I feel like the greatest jackass in the world right now! Fuck America! No one needs it! I'ma go and get high tonight so maybe I can VMA Crash again tonight. Then I'ma go get some bitches and party all night. I am the greatest rapper of all time! Don't forget it, either, posers." But everyone knows, or, at least, should know, that Kanye West is nothing and will never be nothing. Personal, legal & financial troubles Personal/Financial Kanye has somehow gotten money off of selling records, but that isn't enough to help pay the rent, so he had to move back in with his mom, but when she died (apparently it was because of cosmological complications, a term that no one can understand, but studies show that Kanye killed his mom and dumped her in a river) he had to get a second job as a bus driver. But what started as bus driving ended up in drive bys with his local gang and he was arrested a total of forty-three times over the period of three months. He was let out sometime later. Legal In 2007, he stole the rights from Daft Punk's song "Harder, Harder, Faster, Faster!" and renamed it "Stronger", calling it his own creation and claiming it to be an original work, but he was sued for $36 billion because of it and so he went and robbed Taylor Swift and payed it off. Now he's in jail again. Death & Resurrection :Main article: The deaths and resurrections of Kanye West In mid-to-late October 2009, Kanye West was holding a single mom hostage in his car and he had slit her puppy's throat and when he was speeding at an excess of at least 200 mph on the highway he hit a deer in the road and it made his car do several frontflips, thirteen sideflips, forty-four rolls, and eighty-nine and a half backflips before landing on a homeless child and killing him and the child instantly. However, in mid-to-late October 2009, he was resurrected from the dead via Richard Henne. Controversy Taylor Swift was mugged by Kanye West publically in mid-September and she was rushed to the hospital ER due to complaints of smeared make-up and tangled hair, where she stayed and recovered for two weeks after that. However, Kanye West managed to escape the ninjas who were guarding the VMA Awards building and he did a drive by with a sub-machine gun as they drove off in a '69 Chevrolet which only had three wheels. Soon after that, Santa Claus was interviewed in court as a witness. The judge had asked him what happened, and Santa Claus revealed, "Well, Mr. Kanye was being a very naughty boy, oh yes, and when I get home, I'm going to spank him several times to make sure he doesn't do it again, because that would be so naughty." But Kanye West never apologized to Taylor Swift and she said she didn't want an apology anyway, even though she was on a killing spree for the next seven days (that's a week) until she was caught and questioned by the FBI, but she claimed that God told her to go on the killing spree, and they let her go free of charge. See also *Taylor Swift *Money Category:R&B Category:Rap Category:Rap artist Category:Music artists Category:Music